Walking That Fine Line Between Anger And Doormat-dom
The Age
Monday March 10, 2003
I've decided he's a geek. A computer nerd of the worst kind. A man of node and mouse, who's loaded but probably still lives at home with his dad.
My mistake was to ring him up. After 15 minutes of being ``valued", ``patient" and flattered senseless by moronic, telephonic babble, I got through to his peculiar branch of technical ``support".
I explained my problem. I'd rung the week before.
My connection to the internet kept being cut off. I'd made the changes they'd suggested. But now my modem had slowed right down and I was still being disconnected.
I was being ejected from the web - to my immense frustration - once every 20 to 30 seconds.
He was not sympathetic. It's nothing to do with us. It's not our problem. Take out the ``string". Didn't you take notes! What you're saying is absurd. All this is your fault. It's not my job to teach you how to use a computer.
I, too, am bemused. How asking for help could draw such a reaction. He seemed to enjoy it. The anonymity, the fact he was there, and I, the faceless uninitiate, was a telephone call away.
There's a probably a name for it. Road rage, queue rage and now - with the proliferation of call centres - telephone rage. In these pent up times, rage is all the rage.
I needed to be assertive. But failed dismally. Protesting my lack of absurdity and raging outrage, I slammed down the phone. My modem is still slow. The cut-offs continue.
True assertiveness is an art to be mastered. All of us rehearse the ideal response - the could haves and should haves - after the event. But at the time we freeze, dumping our better judgement in the dustbin of inappropriate responses.
We should, of course, speak up. But not in a confrontational or aggressive manner.
We should be clear, conscious and concise. Slamming down the phone is simply not the way to go.
I over-reacted. I often do. My most spectacular performance was on the telephone to a gas accounts clerk some 10 years ago.
Berating some poor woman for her lack of people skills and incompetence in handling my complaint, I resorted to insult when she left to fetch her manager. I thought I'd been rendered inaudible.
In fact they'd held me on speaker-phone. The whole office - they told me with an audible smirk - had heard what I had said. I could hear their delight as they reminded me of my squawked paroxysms.
Current medical trends indicate that the art of assertiveness - as the middle ground between anger and behaving like a doormat - is being increasingly recognised as a factor in maintaining good health.
The more we become aware of the need to combat stress and stand up for ourselves with self-confidence and self-control, the more we are being forced to recognise the inescapable link between clear, articulated thought and a healthy body.
Some alternative health gurus have taken this mind and body link to the extreme. Caroline Myss, a mind-body guru based in the United States, claims that physical illness can be the direct result of thoughts unspoken or expressed in an inappropriate way.
Controversially, it's her belief that a lack of assertiveness and the inability to stand up for oneself can lead to conditions such as back pain, depression and even varicose veins.
While there is little scientific evidence to support her theories, the link between mental and physical health is growing in recognition by orthodox and unorthodox doctors alike.
Off the record, one senior doctor at the Royal Melbourne Hospital shares his suspicion that some cases of cancer may occur after trouble in threes.
Once some people have experienced three adverse life-changing events, in close succession, he claims, their chances of developing cancer may be increased.
But in the majority of cases, the physical manifestation is far less damaging.
After a stressful week of doormat-dom, the majority of us succumb to nothing more than sniffles, sore throats and a large glass of scotch.
And so we must speak out. Be clear, confident and assured. For the sake of our health, at the very least, if our gumption is lacking.
And to remind our telephonic oppressors that after all, it's our call.
© 2003 The Age
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